Sometimes when I sit alone and think (all wht I do now a days), many a thots haunts me but all wht I cn do is I think calmly and thn satisfies mahself by answering that may b this thing is suppose to b tht way so is it. Sometimes feel so helpless as m not able to change to ongoing things the way I want them to be and its human nature if u don’t get wht u want thn u suffer n if u get wht u don’t want thn u too u suffer n if u finally get wht u want thn also u suffer from the thot that u may lose tht thing, u r afraid of losing tht thing but its humane nature, cant help.
I use to wonder whn people don’t take me serious but now I don’t wonder why ppl don’t understand me or take me serious when I am disturbed thn also they don’t take me serious. They hav a image of the person who is always cheerful, full of humour n make other laugh at his silly comments n as the person who do hav smily soluns to the probs.
Why don’t they think tht I cn b bored, distressed, disappointed or sad, I also want sum1 who cn make me laugh n cheer me up, but…………, jus I m left wid a big question mark why not they take me the way I want?
I am a human too, I do have feelings n emotions which vary according to the situation. No1 cn b same in evry situation thn why ppl want me to b same, the ideal of me??
Whnevr I m irritated, annoyed or restless I jus wish sum1 cud b thr but don’t feel lyk goin to sum1 to ask do take care of me, I don’t need pity but real care. Thousands of thots storm mah mind n thn leave me impatient. Then I decide sumthing or lo more things but being lazy don’t accomplish them n then again left uneasy. It may b as I decide lot more things so I might not b able to select d correct one out of them or whtevr but mostly left unsatisfied. Used to cry a lot but not m surprised as I don’t find ne trace of tears in mah eyes. Mah eyes are oozed now. Something is lacking in me but I do have trust n confidence in me n wont let tht evr down to make mah way henceforth.
Whenevr I m not d same cheerful person thn ppl do ask wht hppnd to me but sumtyms they jus do formality but do they really wanna kno n if they ask I don’t ans as I don’t wanna disturb ne1 cuz of mah mess, tht also caused by me. I sit reastlessly n talk to GOD n blames him for most of the things but thn accept mah faults n ths satisfies mah self (the only thing I cn do, whn u don’t get wht u dreamt of u jus hav to compromise, sumthing I bttr thn nuin).
I wish to step bck whr I cud lead mah lyf wid new beginning as I might b aware such probs will b thr so I wont let them happn but ………..
Many a tyms I avoid talking to othrs n jus wanna gain isolation but isolation isn’t d solun I kno…. n if I tall to sum1 bout dis thn they say no need to get serious, u dnt luk gud whn u r serious, we want d same cheerful person bck…, means wht??
Thr is no1 wid whom I cn share or wht??
n if they ask thn most of tyms I endup wid messing thr mood too….. they don’t evn understand wht I want or m confused?
Thn I feel bad as they were thr to ask but I spoiled their mood so I feel lyk its bttr to stay bck in same situation I’m in n b cheerful so tht mah frnz cn b happy.
Is thr ne end to dis or I hav to live mah rest of lyk dis way only??
m confused, double minded whtr I’ll b able to cum out of this or is dis the all whts thr for me?
cn thr b ne way out??
most of tyms I left wid an answer n thts NO, no way to escape from this but still trying to escape!!
I jus sit out n stares in sky/stars n pass mah tym by thinkin n dreaming, will the thing evr change or not!!!!….
Is it easier to live anonymously??
